I grew up in a wonderful Christ-loving family. My 6 siblings and I were church-going, homeschooling, basketball playing family. I said a prayer when I was 6 years old so I could be baptized and take the Lord’s Supper like my friends. At the time I didn’t that it was MY sins that nailed Jesus to the cross.
After almost 4 years of false security of salvation and constantly “brushed off” doubt, I could no longer take it. The burden of sin was too heavy for me to carry alone. The thought of spending eternity separated from Christ was crippling. I was embarrassed because everyone thought I was a “good little Christian” girl when I felt as though my feet were dangling over the gates of hell. It got to the point that I was feeling physically sick. That night I walked the hallway to my mother’s bedroom and finally admitted to her how lost I was. I have not regretted it for a moment. She immediately understood and helped me know what I needed to do. She led me in a simple but heartfelt prayer. For the first time I was wrapped up in the arms of Jesus. Now, I have the promise that He will never leave me. How wonderful it felt to have the burden of sin lifted. How indescribable it was to be in the presence of God for the first time. How beautiful to enter the family of God!
All throughout my life (even before giving my life to Christ) I looked up to missionaries as saints that God used in wonderful ways. I loved missions. I had a heart for missions. But I didn’t think that God would ever choose me to be one of His missionaries. I had limited what God could or would do in my life.
As I neared my high-school graduation, I was stuck. I had no plans for the future. I hoped to someday be a wife and mom, but that was it. I hated the idea of going to college without a compelling reason to do so. I was daily spending time with God, going to Bible studies, church, and whatever else I could go to grow in my relationship with Christ. I had always known that God had big things in store for me, but I didn’t have a clue what they were or when they would happen. I entered a state of truly searching and seeking what the Lord had in store for me. I longed to be used by God.
During a three-night revival at my church I totally surrendered what I had been holding back from God: my future. With everything in me and with all things through Christ, I put myself in His hands once again. I made a promise that whatever God asked me to do, wherever he wanted me to go, whoever He wanted me to marry, where I would live- I would do it.
God spoke to me in the quietness of the sanctuary one night. He told me “Bekah, you are a missionary.” It wasn’t that I wasn’t expecting it, but more that I was afraid He would say it. Against my better judgment I asked.
“Lord, are you sure? Me a missionary?” He repeated His first statement and I just knew. I said, “Yes Lord, I will be Your missionary.” Oh, how scared I was the first couple of days. Me, an 18-year-old girl, just got called to be a missionary. Stories of martyrs were going through my mind. . I didn’t think I would be good enough and I realized alone that I couldn’t do it. But I was not alone, not even a little bit. David Livingstone’s quote comes to mind, “God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to yours.”
Starting off this journey has been amazing. The past year has been so very fruitful in every single way. I am attending UA-PTC-getting my basics and waiting for where God will lead. I am very involved with the Metro BCM, I work with the IFO and internationals in my college, and I have served overseas for the first time. God has opened more doors over these past 13 months than I ever thought possible.
As of right now, I am preparing to spend my summer in Southeast Asia with the Nehemiah teams. God has stretched me and molded me into the woman that He has created me to be. I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you all in the future.
With love~
Bekah Gulledge